The Thoughtful Gift
Every year I get asked by my wife (from my in-laws), for gift ideas. Now remember, we’ve been married 39 years. And every year I struggle to provide an answer for a couple of reasons…
The biggest reason is that I’ve reached the stage of my life where, for the most part, there are less things I want and, except for the expensive things that I know they can’t afford and I’ve chosen that they are too expensive for me to buy, if I want it, I get it for myself.
I also know that my in-laws love to give multiple presents every year. Heck, early in our marriage there were many times where I might have gotten a dozen Christmas presents from them. This sounds great until you realize that some of those presents may have included a drug rep pen (my mother-in-law worked for a doctor before retiring). I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I’ve accumulated a bunch of stuff that way. For example, before I retired and because I had to wear a tie daily, I liked getting unusual ties. I have a large drawer jammed full of ties that I don’t miss wearing at all.
What they don’t realize is that they gave me the best present I could get over 39 years ago when they gave me their blessing to marry their daughter. They helped to mold her as parents should and make her who she is in the 21 years before we got married. My wife is my partner and, while we don’t always agree, I can’t imagine how different my life would be without her. She’d say that she would be afraid of the filth I’d live in without her but that’s a different message.
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” - Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV
I think our son is starting to see that the crass consumerism that the secular holiday is based on misses the mark. They visited us over Thanksgiving, and he casually asked me if I’d be good with a Christmas present that included the installation. He noticed that we have one of those fancy front door locks that, supposedly, unlocks without a key but is becoming finicky (we got it over 10 years ago and I’d guess technology has changed over that time). My reply was “I’d love it”! I guess that is an additional change I’ve gone through is that the apprehension of installing something new outweighing the geekiness of the new electronic toy. His observation of my evolving motivation and his desire to help was a far better present than any actual gift.
I know that the first 3/4 of the devotion being about my in-laws and the last 1/4 being about our son seems a little Frankenstein in nature. I’m trying to emphasize that love is the best present we can give each other… okay, well now I’m ending with a third seemingly disjointed thought. Man, emotions are complicated.
