The Decision
Pastor Patrick was telling a group that there are several individuals in the church pursuing pastoral training. He was emphasizing this by sharing that someone had just told him that he felt called to be a pastor. Patrick refused to share the person’s name because this man hadn’t even told his own wife yet.
This reminded me of the day I accepted a job position here in Topeka. For this particular position, the process of hiring is more extended than a lot of other positions. Usually, a resume and an application is submitted (gotta keep those HR people happy). And, if you are selected from that pile, a telephone interview is scheduled. And, if you advance from there, arrangements are made to bring you in for an interview that, at least from my experience, lasted most of the day. The reality is that the company might bring in a small number of candidates to evaluate from across the US. The time frame to get all that logistics accomplished draws out the hiring process. So, by the time an employment offer is made, a great deal of effort is made on behalf of both the hiring company and the applicant.
I had applied for, was interviewed by, and had received an employment offer from 3 very different organizations and locations. The first organization was in the city where we lived at the time in Wisconsin but the job wasn’t a position that I was applying for (it was a statistician position). The second was an actuarial position in downtown Chicago at a specialty insurer. The third position was an insurer here in Topeka.
Each, from my family’s total perspective, had their advantages and disadvantages. My wife was very supportive (even though she had her own bias to stay in Wisconsin) and encouraged me to choose whichever offer I felt made the most sense for both my career and our family. I stewed and fretted and prayed about it for the week they gave me to decide. Finally, at the last possible moment, on a Friday afternoon, I chose to come to Topeka. I was emotionally exhausted by then and decided to wait until dinner to tell my wife the decision for our family.
Unbeknown to me, my new boss, excited that I had accepted the offer, sent an email to his staff and copying me to announce my anticipated start date. At that time, pre smart phone, we only had one shared PC in the house. My wife, after I got off the computer, went to use it for her own purposes and saw the email that my new boss sent out. To say, she was unhappy finding out this way was an understatement (remember she was hoping I’d pick the offer in the city we already lived in but understood that this choice wasn’t optimal). Boy did I get it! In fact, it came up fairly regularly for a while…several years after moving here, she conveyed that this was the best choice and she was glad we came here. So, all ends well.
“You shall not be partial in judgment. You shall hear the small and the great alike. You shall not be intimidated by anyone, for the judgment is God’s. And the case that is too hard for you, you shall bring to me, and I will hear it.’” - Deuteronomy 1:17 ESV
“One who wanders from the way of good sense will rest in the assembly of the dead. Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not be rich. The wicked is a ransom for the righteous, and the traitor for the upright. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. Precious treasure and oil are in a wise man’s dwelling, but a foolish man devours it. Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor. A wise man scales the city of the mighty and brings down the stronghold in which they trust. Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”- Proverbs 21:16-23
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” - 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, 39
“‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” - Mark 10:7-8
There have been a few hard decisions made in our 38 years of marriage. Some decisions made moved us away from family and friends and were hard. But in total, I’d say, and I think my wife would agree, we grew stronger as a couple when we left a comfortable place for opportunities that were presented to us.
