Gentleness and Respect

Hold on, lots of pieces I need to fold together.

First piece… I went to our pastor’s daytime apologetics classes a few months ago (If your schedule allows, I highly recommend it.)  Anyway, pastor was going through the topic and, as a general suggestion to discussing it with others, used the phrase “with gentleness and respect”.  I liked that phrase so much that I not only wrote it down, but I’ve repeated it probably a dozen times since then.

Second piece…  I don’t know about you but I tend to rewind and review interactions with others where I’m concerned that I could have done something better/different (don’t tell me if you think this kind of rehashing thing is weird).  Throwing this out here brings me to my third piece.

Third piece…  Over a recent holiday with family, the topic of illegal immigration came up. I was emphasizing the safety, financial and legal aspects of protecting our border and reserving the right to determine who immigrates into our country. A family member was trying to find fault with my logic when another family member brought up the question of where and under what circumstances, the illegal immigrant came from. This is where I failed the “with gentleness and respect” objective. You see, I had been debating on a logical perspective with my family, who are very kind people, and the question threw me off. My reply was “I don’t care”.

Now first of all, that reply wasn’t true. I care about a lot of things that I feel personally powerless to change on a society basis. Secondly, I really meant that while there are lots of tragic regimes/ conditions in this world, I also need to balance my compassion with the needs, resource availability and safety of myself and my community. In retrospect, this answer, while not different than my answer in terms of outcome, would have been much closer to the “with gentleness and respect” objective.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” - Colossians 3:12-15

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” - Proverbs 15:1

One last piece. A lot of people, including my wife, suggest avoiding contentious topics at family gatherings like religion and politics. However, I’ve always felt that a logical debate gives both parties the opportunity to share their perspective and, if not more importantly, the opportunity to evaluate an alternative perspective. I think my perspective works as long as both parties do it with “gentleness and respect”.